Answers

When I was in college I majored in Science. I am the type of person that likes matter-of-fact answers. Psychology seemed too abstract for me.  I loved my first chemistry class because there were equations to memorize and when you mixed chemical A with chemical B, you always got reaction C!! It was splendid. When all was said and done, my degree was in educational psychology. Funny how life works.

Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because I am really struggling with a lack of concrete answers. We were able to find out so much about Drew's disorder before he passed away...however one of the super big questions is still lingering. We don't know the specific gene that caused the cobolamin defect. There are currently ten known mutated genes that can cause the disorder Drew had. They were unable to do any of those tests so we are still left with that unknown. I don't like unknowns...

We are hopeful that the geneticist can do some testing on Robert and I, however it is very limited considering we are only recessive carriers of this disorder. I am unwilling to risk another pregnancy without more knowledge. Even though we have great health insurance, genetic testing is still really expensive. I even wrote to Ellen DeGeneres for her help! I know that seems silly but I love her show...and I'm desperate. So...if you happen to see her in the grocery store, or walking down the street, please tell her to check out my blog and help us out! Thanks so much!

First Day

Alexis successfully completed her first day of Kindergarten. She was so excited to go this morning that she was up and dressed by 7:30am. If you know my daughter at all, or any Parke for that matter, it is a big deal to wake up early. Yesterday we went to the store to get something special for breakfast (I hate to admit it but I got her a doughnut). I was worried she would need motivation to get out of bed on time...evidently not. She went into the kitchen to get it (because I was still in bed) and I heard her start crying. I turned to my husband and said "how much do you want to bet she got chocolate on her new shirt!" Well, I was unfortunately right. She dropped her doughnut down the front of her shirt. Thankfully this did not set the tone for the rest of the day. I gave her a few alternative shirt options and she reluctantly picked one. She was still VERY cute on her first day. 

Here are some supper cute pictures of her from this morning. Yes, I was one of those mothers that followed her child into the school with camera in hand. I tried to get a shot of her walking down the hall but right as I took the picture she ran into another kid!!! Silly kid, sometimes she doesn't watch what she is doing!

Although my "keep busy" list keeps growing, I didn't do any of it today. Instead I came home from dropping her off and took a little nap. Then I went to my friends house to enjoy some girl time with amazing ladies! It is defanitely what I needed. When I sit down in the house I start to really get upset. With Alex starting kindergarten it is even more difficult. The plan I had all maped out was that I would be at home taking care of Drew and one of my close friend's baby. That plan didn't work out...now I need to come up with another one. The only problem is, the new plans all kind of suck!

One last note before I conclude for today. To all my followers who have children; healthy, beautiful children. Just take a second and really ponder what matters in life. Drew's passing has really opened my eyes to what truely matters. I was at the grocery store yesturday and overheard a dad yelling at his son because he was trying to ask for name brand cereal. I had to do everything in my power not to cry. It's just cereal people!! Please give your children a hug and kiss, tell them how much you love them and never let material things of this world get in the way of showing them how much you care. There might be a time when you can't tell them that anymore.

Services

Drew's memorial services were absolutely beautiful. There were white floral arrangements primarily with lilies and orchids which brought a sweet smell to the chapel. Many friends and family members came to calling hours which was followed by the funeral service. I had some very difficult moments throughout the day. One that I can recall that was incredibly difficult was when my brother, my step-dad, my grandfather and my brother-in-law picked up Drew's casket and carried it slowly down the hall from the viewing into the chapel. I couldn't control my sobbing. My husband gave the most amazing elegy, describing perfectly our son and our life during his time with us. I'm not sure how he made it through the talk. Probably by not looking directly at me. He did once and almost lost his composure. His talk was simply amazing!

It truly makes me grateful in situations like these for family. Robert's family came across the country to support him. It was the first time in over ten years that all ten (yes I said 10!!) brothers and sisters were together in the same place. We were able to get a beautiful picture of all of them. It was so funny to watch as they lined up, oldest to youngest. Alexis had more attention than I think she could even handle!! 

Now I sit at home in quiet. Alexis starts kindergarten tomorrow! Although I am so excited for her, I am dreading it. I have made a list of things to do while I am home by myself during the day. I just don't really know where to start. I think the first thing I am going to do is sit down and write everything down. I want Alexis to be able to really understand what happened...every painful detail. I have always believed that the more knowledge you have, the better. 

Thanks again to everyone who was able to support our family through this difficult time...and who are continuing to do so.

Friends and Family

I would have to report that I am truly grateful for the love and support we have received and are continuing to receive from our close friends and family. Every time I sit down and it is quiet in my house it breaks my heart. Having family around us and keeping us busy helps to ease the pain. I know that the funeral will be very difficult but having loved ones there to support us will be a blessing.

It absolutely amazes me that one little boy who only lived on this earth for three months has touched the lives of so many people. I feel so privileged to be his mother. I am sure when I meet him again I will gain a full understanding of how amazing his spirit is. I love you Drew Kai. I miss you!