A Year In Review

It amazes me when I sit down and actually think that it has been a year since Drew passed away. Robert and I have struggled through the month of August, reliving each moment with Drew throughout his sickness...culminating in his death. It has been a roller coaster ride as we retrace decisions, remember sweet moments and remembering horrifying moments. I can say one thing for sure. I am truly blessed for the support that has surrounded me throughout the past year. I am especially grateful for the group of righteous women who met every Tuesday afternoon to have lunch. It was such a healing experience for me to be surrounded by other women and mothers who experience trials of their own. We learned from each other, we laughed together and we cried together (although I am pretty sure I was the one doing most of the crying). I am grateful to my family for understanding when I don't pick up the phone to talk because it is just one of those days.

Today Robert and I spent the morning at the Palmyra Temple. It is the one place that I can truly say that I feel Drew's presence around me. From the moment he was born I could feel his beautiful and powerful spirit. We participated in temple ordinances from 8:30-12:30 and it was fantastic. We did a group of family names that I had submitted about three months ago. This evening we watched our home videos of Drew. Mostly of his birth but a few others that are cherished memories.

In one of the videos that was taken just a few days before he was admitted to the hospital for the first time, he was smiling and very "talkative". We froze a few of our favorite frames and I thought I would share them with you. Seeing pictures like these reminds me of all the beauty in Drew. Often times my memories are drawn to him on a ventilator with several IV's in his little body and dozens of monitors beeping in the background. I struggle to remember him as a vibrant, healthy little boy because for weeks, doctors showered us with negative news concerning our son. I remember thinking and I believe I even said it out loud a few times..."But don't you see him....he is beautiful, aware, smiling...how can all of that be wrong?" It was a frustrating realization.

Thank you all for the support you have shown us through this difficult time. We hope and pray that as our family continues on this journey we will continue to find peace where there is sadness and grief. Thank you for the text messages today, for the flowers, for the messages on face book and your prayers.